Etiquette inquiry
So, here's the problem. Oftentimes situations require a thank you note from Boyfriend Matt and me, as a couple. I often write these notes on our behalf. When I have finished writing the note, I generally sign my name and then ask Boyfriend Matt to sign his own name. In my opinion, this shows that he actually saw and agreed with the thank you note, and that I'm not just writing them willy nilly and saying that they are from "us".
Boyfriend Matt totally and completely disagrees. He thinks that whoever writes the note should sign both of our names. In fact, he thinks that signing his name to a note he didn't write shows that he really didn't read it and just signed whatever I shoved in front of him.
I leave it up to y'all. What's the right thing to do here?
posted by Stephanie @ 6:51 PM
7 Comments:
I look at it this way... when I receive the usual [birthday or nationally recognized holiday] card in the mail from my grandparents the note inside is always in my grandmother's handwriting and the only mark my grandfather makes is his trademark tiny chicken scratch on the bottom. I know he wasn't sitting next to my grandmother while she wrote it and I highly doubt he read it when she gave it to him to sign before she shoved it in an envelope, slapped on a stamp on it and put it in the mail box. I'm not fooled. And neither were my grandparents years ago when they received the same [holiday/birthday] card in the mail from my family. They know we didn't sit around the kitchen table like a committee and agree on what to write. One parent wrote it and passed it amongst us kids to sign. So for me, knowing the other person(s) didn't write the mesage and there's a good chance they didn't even read it, I'm not bothered if their handwriting is missing. I'm not more impressed if a card or note has two signatures because I'm sure one person invested time to write it and the other about three seconds to scan it over before making their mark. So I say write the whole damn thing, signature and all. That's my verbose two cents.
The closing wouldn't stand out in my mind at all if it was in the same handwriting as the note itself, but I would definitely notice if each person signed their own name, and then I would have the same feelings of Cameron. Yes, it was a personal touch, but it was only an afterthought at best, and usually more of a command. Sometimes I get birthday cards that my dad is instructed to sign and he signs his full name instead of "Dad" which proves how impersonal the gesture is to him. I say just fly under the radar and sign the note yourself. How many times have you put this much thought into the signature on a card that you recieved?
Is Matt volunteering to write the notes himself and sign both of your names? If he writes the notes, then he can determine the signatures. If not then, I think it is nice to have him sign the one you wrote because then the person knows he at least looked at it. (he could even add his own mini comment)
B
I think if you are 'couple' enough to write a joint thank-you, then that relationship implies/assumes that either one of you can sign for the other. JB
Boyfriend Matt is a wise man. Far wiser than anyone who disagrees with him, whatever the issue.
Alright, alright, I concede to you folks. I will now sign both of our names to thank you letters. (Thanks, B, for being the only person on my side :)). But for all you know, Matt has no intention of thanking any of you!
Better late than never. And, especially better now than studying for my torts exam in 10 days.
I'm going to go against the grain on this one. While I understand the sentiment that a signature in different handwriting than the rest of the note sends a message of "afterthought" or "I didn't write or pay attention to this, I just signed my name," I think there's a serious consideration that those who make such an argument are missing.
Of those who would say that they interpret the non-matching signature that way, I ask, what more do you want? Do you want Steph and Matt to sit there and write together, alternating sentences, or words, or even letters? Would you really want to be the recipient of that note? I, for one, would not, because that would just be silly. I might even feel bad that they felt it necessary to both sit down and spend double the man hours writing such a note, the sentiment contained in which I probably already ascribed to them. (I knew they appreciated the bottle of wine I brought to their party, or whatever. Even if they didn't, it was the least I could do. I'm not sure that last sentence makes any sense, but you know what I mean.)
That they (one of them, representing the both of them) took the time to write me a note and thank me is more than enough. If I were to recieve separate notes from them, I would be confused and wonder if there were the proverbial issues between them. (OK, maybe I'm being hyperbolic, and I know better. Still, it would be wierd.)
But to find a thank you card in my mailbox, in the handwriting of one of them, with both signatures at the end, tells me that they were in agreement with regard to the sentiment expressed, and that they both intended the thanks to be sent my way, or that both parties had at least seen the note and agreed to its sending.
Cards from grandparents, aunts and uncles, and the like are different. I know that my Aunt Di speaks for both herself and my Uncle Bill when they wish me a happy birthday (and include ten bucks), regardless whose handwriting is on the card. If Steph kept sending me notes, in her handwriting, with both their names signed, in her handwriting, I might worry that Matt didn't like me, or was jealous of me because the first time I met Steph, she was wearing a sports bra with no shirt, or something.
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